OK, OK, it’s another one of my shallow posts, one of those physical appearance reasons why I hate being fat. But hey, it bothers me so I gotta write about it! I hate that being fat gives me a double chin. I hate that flabby loose skin that just hangs around my neck. So not only do I have one chubby chin but two!! Why, I ask you, why? When I was young, I used to have this long slender neck. No more!! It’s two chins for me now! I’ve been talking on my webcam a lot lately (my honey lives far away, so it’s the best way to communicate with him right now), and I’ve been noticing my double chin a lot. Of course it doesn’t help that the camera adds 10 pounds… or two chins. Every once in a while I catch site of my chin in the webcam image and tilt my head a little or change positions just to improve the look of my chin. Isn’t that silly? The crazy things we do!

Speaking of crazy. Are you like me? Do you do this? I find that I am totally self-conscious when getting my picture taken. I don’t worry about my hair or my clothes or my makeup… it’s all about how I can position my head to minimize the double chin! And OMG last year I had to renew my driver’s license so it meant another trip to the DMV to get that dreaded snapshot taken. I practiced in the mirror and found the best head position and headed off to the DMV. The DMV lady got me all set up for the picture and said I should move more this way, turn this way, put your chin more down… more down? Crap that was exactly what I didn’t want to do. I hate pictures where I’m looking down because my chin appears absolutely ginormous. So anyway, I put my chin down *frown*, and she snapped the picture. I took one look at my picture and wanted to cry. You mean I have to spend the next 5 years with this picture? Can I get a new picture taken? Of course it also doesn’t help that the pic was taken at my highest weight – ouch! I know people get new licenses when they lose theirs, can I get a new one cause I look too fat? Or do I just pretend to lose it? Hmm… that’s an idea. Then a friend told me that they save the digital pictures and just reissue a new one. Bummer! I guess I’ll have to look at my two chins for the next 5 years. The one upside is that when I went to get my international drivers license at AAA, the lady behind the counter looked at my license and said, “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight!” That sure made me feel great! It does make me wonder though, is there some point where you should request that a new picture be taken because you look SO different than the original picture? Honestly I don’t think I’ll fall into that category. I still look like me in the photo, just fat. I suppose my license will just be a reminder to me for the next 5 years of all the hard work I’ve done with weight loss and that I never want to look like that again.

One thing I think about though is that as I lose weight, I might never fully get rid of the extra chin. Sure I might lose all my excess weight, but age and stretched skin could be a problem. I might go from having a double chin to having a turkey neck. Gobble, gobble. What’s worse? Hmmm… Double chin! At least with a turkey neck you can have plastic surgery to fix it (not that I plan to have plastic surgery, but at least the option is there). I’ve seen these infomercials that advertise exercises to tighten up the skin under your chin. Maybe I need to start working out my chin! But do those things really work? I don’t know. I guess I just need to be happy with what Mother Nature gave me. I suppose I should just look at my double chin as a temporary imperfection that will improve with time. And you know, with winter coming, I guess the double chin will help me out and keep my neck warm all winter long! And hopefully, like a hibernating bear, I’ll be able to lose the excess fat and chin by summer!

I was talking with a friend the other day, and high school reunions were mentioned It made me think about my own lack of attendance to any of my reunions. This past summer was my 15th high school reunion, but I made absolutely NO plans to attend. I actually would love to go see people from high school, see what’s become of everyone, but honestly I’m totally afraid. I still fear what those people think of me. Isn’t that ridiculous? When I graduated high school I was 195 pounds, no skinny mini, but not very fat either, just pleasantly plump. But now… I am really scared to let those people see me. Sure I’ve lost a bunch of weight now (I’m only [haha...ONLY] 50 pounds away from my high school size), but I still don’t want them to see me like I am. I guess I was hoping, like I’m sure EVERYONE does, to go back to my high school reunion with the perfect hard body, and wow them all and make the popular kids envy me.

LOL popular kids… Isn’t that silly? I am 33 for God’s sake and I’m still worried about what the popular kids think of me. You would think we’d out-grow all that silliness, but I guess not. I guess no matter what age we are we just want to fit in and be liked. I always wonder what made those kids the “popular” kids anyway. Was it looks? I don’t think so. I was leafing through my high school alumni newspaper the other day, looking at pictures of the homecoming king and queen. The thing that was striking to me was that the “popular” kids that I saw in the pictures were not amazingly attractive or anything. Just average. In fact, some looked kind of unattractive. So good looks isn’t the way to popularity. The one trait I do remember all the popular kids having was an amazing amount of confidence. It just bubbled out of them. They were people magnets, everyone wanting in on a piece of their confidence.

You know, that is what really attracts us to people and makes us want to be friends with someone. Confidence. It really can take you far. With a healthy dose of confidence we feel like we can accomplish ANYTHING! Hell, I think this time around it’s confidence that has gotten me so far with my weight loss. Every time I thought I was gonna quit, I would just say to myself “you can do it!”, and then I did, I stuck to it. I think for many of us this is a constant struggle, to feel confident. Low self-esteem probably made us use food as a tool to cope with life in the first place. The only way to get out of that vicious cycle of feeling bad and eating more is to reverse it – get confident. Don’t feel confident? Fake it. I think if you tell yourself you are confident enough, the confidence will follow. Sometimes when I’m feeling really self-conscious, I just remind myself of something great I’ve done. That shuts my inner demons right up. The little voice that tells me “you suck” is replaced with the other voice that says “na uh, you rock!”. We all need to give ourselves little pep talks now and again. I know I sure do!

So maybe I need to practice a bit of what I preach. I guess I need to suck it up, be confident, and in 5 years promise myself to go to my 20th high school reunion no matter what I weigh. And honestly, what do I have to fear? Some of those popular kids have probably put on a few pounds. Heck, they might even be fat now too! I can’t keep hiding behind the excuse of being fat as a reason not to go to my reunions. I just have to remind myself that if I am confident, warm and friendly, people WILL like me no matter what size I am! Who knows, maybe 20 years later I’ll be one of the popular kids!