I managed to swallow my pride and slip into my capri pants this season despite my hesitation. By no means am I comfortable wearing them, well… physically comfortable, yes, emotionally comfortable, no. I was starting to think the other day, as the hot sun was making me melt, that it’s getting time to hit the beach. Ugh, the beach. A fat girl’s worst nightmare. We spend the whole year trying to cover up our fat with long tunics, black attire, and layered looks. But at the beach there is no hiding! I don’t care what kind of “slimming” swim suit you find, you still are exposed. I hate that! I really don’t relish the idea of showing off my cellulite to the world.
But it’s not even just the fact that I have to bare my, well, everything in a bathing suit, it’s more. I love walking along the beach, looking at all the shells and creatures at the shore edge, but honestly, even the walking can be tough sometimes. The reason: the sand. My thin counterparts flit along the beach, seeming to have no problem walking in the sand, while I, on the other hand, sink deep into the sand with every step. Is this a beach or quicksand? So with every step it takes mammoth strength to free myself from the grasp of the beach sand. Does this happen to you too? Or am I just some weird freak of nature, incapable of walking in the sand? I do know that exercise experts say walking on the beach is extremely healthy for the reason that it IS hard to walk on. I guess even skinny people sink a bit into the sand as they walk, but come on, I leave holes in the beach when I walk. OK, maybe it’s not that bad, but it sometimes feels that way.
There is other stuff I feel I can’t do at the beach when I’m heavy. I live along water and the other day my boyfriend and I were out watching jet-skiers zip by. That looked like tons of fun, but in my mind, I said, “yeah I’m probably too fat to do that.” Probably not true, but it’s those awkward moments when you are in the jet-ski rental shop when they ask you your weight or you see a maximum weight limit for the jet-skis (which of course shows you are too heavy). It’s mostly moments like those that keep me from doing adventurous things. The total fear of embarrassment.
The one thing I do like about going to the beach is the actual swimming. Being fat has it’s benefits here. While everyone is exhausted from swimming and treading water, I can stay in the water for hours if desired without tiring. Why? Well, fat floats. So I can hide my cellulite beneath the waves and enjoy the sun and surf while getting a little exercise with swimming and floating around. It’s this that keeps me coming back to the beach despite the embarrassment of baring my ass. But at some point you need to get out of the water. Staying in the water too long will turn you into a total prune, and pruney cellulite is not a pretty sight.
At some point in my day of embarrassment at the beach, I get over it, I suck it up, get out of the water, and bask in the sun like everyone else. You have every right to enjoy a day at the beach like everyone else. A little embarrassment shouldn’t hold you back from the things you like to do, ever! If it helps you to get over the embarrassment, make sure you swim a lot, then you can consider your day at the beach as exercise. I live a little more than a mile from the public beach. I know that first visit to the beach will be the toughest. I’ll feel every eye on me, assuming they are all judging me because I’m fat. I think the important thing here to remember is that NO ONE likes wearing a swim suit. How many skinny girls have you heard bitching about swim suit season? When you think someone is staring at you, realize it might be the opposite, that they might we wondering what you think of them. Get over the fear of embarrassment, enjoy the summer, enjoy the beach, enjoy life! Being trapped inside yourself with all these fears just isn’t worth it. Keep reminding yourself of what you’ve done and what you are doing. Feeling like you’re being judged by evil stares from strangers? Well screw them! Remind yourself that you are working on losing weight and getting healthy, you’ve lost 5 pounds, 10 pounds, 20, 50, 100+. It will never matter what “those” people think. The only thing that matters is you. How do you feel about yourself? Are you confident? Are you strong? Are you happy? Maybe it will take a little bruised ego and a little getting over your fears, but get on that swim suit and get down to the beach! You know I’ll be there. I might be trying to dig my feet out of the sand, but I’ll be there!
On Friday, June 6th Women’s Health opened a studio in Southampton, New York. Our studio will be open on the weekends in June.
I had the amazing opportunity of teaching my Perfect Body Workout and MANY other strength and conditioning based workouts to our readers.
If you have an opportunity to come check out the studio, I would highly recommend it!
All of the details about the studio can be found at www.womenshealthmag.com/studio.
OMG this comment had me laughing at my desk today! And it is SO true. Thanks Shanna for making ME laugh this time!
Shanna signed this to my guestbook today:
You are hilarious! Thanks for making me giggle today! Hey, here is another reason I hate being fat: No such thing as “skinny” jeans. I mean, come on! I really hate that phrase. I only have fat jeans and makes-my-bootie-a-little-less-ginormous jeans.
Wow, don’t you agree? When was the last time you could say you fit into skinny jeans? I’m with Shanna, screw the “skinny” jeans, I just want ones that don’t make my butt look so fat!
Well that makes me think… my defintition of “skinny” jeans has creeped up and up over the years. “Skinny” jeans used to be size 9 when I was in high school, then in college 16 was my “skinny” jeans, now… well… geesh I consider 20’s my skinny jeans. The grass is always greener on the other side isn’t it? We are never happy with where we are. Even “skinny” girls have “skinnier” jeans that they wish they could wiggle into. What a horrible concept, “skinny” jeans. Ugh.
You can’t pick up a woman’s magazine these days without reading about skinny jeans. There is always some article on finding the perfect jeans, or a diet to help you fit into those elusive jeans, or some crazy way to shrink your butt enough to wear skinny jeans. We are so brainwashed on this topic. I guess the one point I do like about the concept of “skinny” jeans, is that it isn’t focusing on weight, the actual number I mean. I think your size is a great way to gauge weight and weight loss. Sometimes striving for that “skinny” weight is crazy, when really you might fit into those “skinny” jeans at a higher weight than you though possible. The way your clothes fit is a great way to track your progress. That’s mostly what I do now. Sure I do weigh myself. By the way, I’ve cracked the daily weighing habit, I’m now at about once every week or two. But I do follow how my clothes fit more closely. Thankfully my clothes have been getting too big (or not thankfully to my poor pocket book since I need new clothes). I pulled out a shirt that I had been wearing since this winter and I swear it’s starting to look like a maternity top. And no, I don’t mean my tummy is getting that big, I mean the shirt is way too volumnious.
The other day I was seaching my house high and low for my capri pants. I really hate capris, but it’s summer, I’m hot, there is no alternative unless I want to melt into a pile a slimy goo by days end. Anyway, I just couldnt find them. Finally I called my mom and asked her if she knew where I put them (my mom lived with me for a bit, that’s why she might know). She had to remind me that I gave all my summer shorts and capris away to the Good Will last year. I was like, “OMG why did I do that?” She pleasantly reminded me that they were all sized 26-30! Wow I had totally forgot that. I’m into a 22 nowadays, so it would be pretty hard to hold up those big pants now! But that really got me thinking, just a couple years ago, size 22 were my “skinny” jeans. Maybe I need to stop and reflect more on the progress I have made already and appreciate that I AM in my “skinny” jeans.
So I’ve been away for the past week on a business trip in San Francisco. Every day I find myself trudging around the massive convention center here, so much so that by the end of the day my poor legs and feet are aching. It takes a lot of work to carry around all this excess weight, doesn’t it? All this work leads to excess muscle from carry such a heavy load. With summer upon us now I’ve been dipping into my shorts collection – yes I sometimes dare to bare my legs, though mostly at home for fear that little children will run screaming, shocked by my thunder thighs (of course it’s not that bad – just my imagination). Part of the reason I’m so shy to show off my stems is overdeveloped calf muscles. From years of lugging around all this heavy fat, I’ve gained a ton of calf muscles. I’m sure skinny guys out there are jealous of my Popeye-like bulging calves, but to a woman, they are hideous! And as I lose weight I find that the muscles aren’t going away. At least not fast enough. I suppose the one good thing about extra muscles is that muscle burns a lot more calories than fat. So I guess I’m happy I have muscular legs as opposed to fatty legs, but still. I’d prefer less Hulk-like muscles peaking out from under my capris. I know with time as the load of my fat diminishes, I’ll lose that excess muscle. But in the mean time, I suppose all I can do is bitch about it.
So I’m getting to this point again, as I always do, where I stop losing weight but think I’m eating the right things. Sometimes I don’t get it. I can have a really light eating day, but the weight won’t budge. And deep down, I know why. If you’ve been following my blog you’ll know I abhor exercise. I know, I know. It’s the best thing for me, it will make me feel great, it will boost my metabolism, and it will help kick this plateau. Yeah sounds great… or not. My activation energy for starting an exercise program is SO high. It’s like pulling teeth. I can think of every excuse in the book to avoid exercise. Why do we run from exercise (no pun intended)? I think for me it’s the pain. I mean honestly, I feel like total shit when I start working out. Why would I choose to put myself through that? At least that’s my usual excuse. I’m sure part of the problem is that I start out too hard. Don’t we all? We think we need to work out everyday for like an hour, cause that’s what the guidelines say you need to do to lose weight. And for some reason I think working out means you need to be breathless and red-faced (clearly NOT true, but somehow I’ve come to think this). You don’t need to work out so hard that you give yourself a heart attack. Very light exercise can be incredibly beneficial at the start. And sometimes I think that I don’t want my muscles to get ANY bigger, like I need more calf muscle!!! But cardio won’t make you gain muscle, it’s just going to help you burn calories and increase your metabolism.
But how can you ask a completely sedentary person that is 200, 250, 300, 350, 400+ pounds… to start working out 60 min a day? I know they say you should start out slow. But how slow is too slow? Can you gain benefit from 10 minutes of exercise a day? Experts say yes. Even starting that slow will help you over time. If nothing, it will help you build your endurance so that over time (and I mean a long time – like months/years) you may be able to work up to an hour a day. But I don’t know why I get it stuck in my head that 10 min a day is worthless. I guess just another excuse to avoid exercise. Really though I suppose exercise doesn’t need to be this painful thing we need to avoid. I mean can you walk around your house for 10 min? Can you walk to the mailbox? Do you walk through the mall? This is all exercise. We just need to do 10 min more than we normally do each day to see the benefits begin. Maybe after a week, 10 min will seem to easy. So up the walk to 15 min, then 20, then 30, then 45 or more. If you don’t have that much time, is that your excuse, then up your pace instead. Were you walking turtle slow for 10 min? Try walking a little faster next time, but still for only 10 min. There are so many ways to incorporate exercise into our lives. We just don’t do it.
I guess our default is to be lazy. But in all truth, exercise will give you more energy. I speak from experience. When I exercise, I’m more perky and energetic and the choice to exercise more seems so easy. It’s just the starting. That’s the hardest part. I’ll be honest, I’m right there with you right now. I am not exercising right now. I’m tired all the time. I’m lethargic. Frankly, I’m lazy. And I KNOW, if I was exercising all of that will go away. But why oh why is it so hard to get over that first hurdle to choose to exercise. This conference I’m at right now has actually helped me see the light. I’ve been walking a TON everyday, way more than I ever do in my normal daily life. Sure at the end of the day I’m beat, but I’ve been sleeping better, I’ve actually felt more energy during the day, and it’s making me think twice about grabbing for junk food (I always seem to crave healthy food when I exercise). I should really use this experience as a jumping off point for starting to exercise regularly again. I’ve already started walking more than I usually do, now I just need to keep it up. I really have no excuse either. I live right on the water, I have a great place to walk along the beach, I have a great boyfriend that loves to exercise, I have NO EXCUSE. OK you heard it here, I will start walking again. Wednesday when I get back from this trip, I will go for a walk. I’m making the pledge, will you? Can you get up and walk just 10 minutes today? At some point we just need to stop listening to that little voice inside our heads feeding us all those excuses and just do it. Get up and get those overdeveloped calf muscles working!
